JA Lessons Learned

Being a mother is truly a gift.  This statement rings true for many…however, being a mother of a child with a chronic life-threatening illness is a gift that awards me with such deep teachings and gratitude for life and I want to share in my lessons learned.

I enjoy teaching so very much.  During my 10 years in a preschool classroom, teaching young ones with multiple disabilities, I always came home counting my blessings.  I was so grateful that I had two healthy beautiful boys, especially since it was uncertain I could even have children.  Both boys are my little miracles. 

Later, when I started working at that University, I was so wide-eyed and excited that I would be continuing my career as a teacher of teachers.  Daily, I marveled at what amazing teachers exist in this world…yet it was always the children that I learned the most from.  Recently, I have been doing much work coaching in classrooms.  There are so many young children with difficulties and those difficulties are quite the challenge for many adults.  I have been blessed with understanding the perspective of little ones and helping adults see things from their points of view.  But I am just a lens of sorts, bringing clarity …assisting adults to see things that were always there to see…

As an educator, teaching comes naturally …lessons are what we plan…  but as a mother of two children with juvenile arthritis, one with chronic serious issues, I have learned much deeper lessons.  These lessons are certainly not chosen and I most definitely didn’t look for them, but now I can clearly see them.  When Parker was diagnosed, I asked many questions, read many medical journals and even text books (yes, I ordered rheumatology text books…it’s what an “educator” does).  I researched so much that I started to re-read what I had already read…looking for answers and trying to understand as much as I could.  And yes, I learned much…much about treatment, disease, options…  Then, of course, there were some things I read that made me cry to the point of exhaustion.  And on the flip side, I even read about “cures” that made me laugh (…like, did you know gin soaked raisins can cure rheumatoid arthritis and at the car dealership you can get joint juice to ease the pain…); sometimes you have to laugh…

But the real lessons come with experiences.  Some lessons are painful.  JA has taught me who my real friends are and are not…and that in every walk of life there are mean people… and even when you try to do “right”, it can turn very very wrong.  But JA has also taught me that mean people might be processing tough stuff  and to love them through it…and what might feel wrong to some, might be very right for us.  

And my JA lens has shown me and my entire family that prayers full of love, acts filled with kindness, and joyful simplicity are amazing and to receive such gifts is truly life’s lessons.

I know that other mothers and fathers and siblings of children with chronic illness endure incredibly difficult journeys too.  I watch it every single day…  countless hours of worry, reveals faith… endless treatments, needle sticks, procedures, bring hope… pain, shows strength… mysteries, give patience… physical barriers and road blocks show us alternate paths…  but the greatest lesson of all is LOVE. 

I can see the love in doctors’ and nurses’ eyes as they tell us things we certainly don’t want to hear.  I also see love in their eyes when they celebrate the simplest of accomplishments.  I feel love from our friends and family with their notes, encouragement, acts of kindness, and prayers.  But the love between Michael, Logan, Parker and I …as we simply sit together, not saying a word, just being together…well that is true deep love and a lesson I gladly learn.

We are so grateful to Armanis Restaurant at the Tampa Hyatt for doing a wine tree fundraiser for Parker's Purple Playas.  

Love Connects Us

Epcot Perry
Scavenger Hunt

Logan and Dad at Concert

Raising a child with chronic illness has taught us much.  We have learned how to reflect on our family strengths and weaknesses.  Ironically, I have learned that my biggest weakness is also my strength.  Sometimes I “care” too much.  Caring leaves me vulnerable, but it also makes me human. 

I care about all children, all families, people, my family, my children…  Caring has made me who I am and who I will become.  I am thankful that I care, but caring means we open ourselves up to multiple emotions and that can include not only joy and love, but also hurt and sadness. 

Recently, I have been deeply hurt.  I have learned that there are some, who we thought cared about our brave children, but have acted with cruelty.  A small group has been bullying and making fun of parents and their children with JA.  The sadder realization was to learn they too have children with JA.  I have to admit, this really shocked me and it absolutely choked me up as I held back tears…tears for every family and for the poor mom who witnessed meanness against her own child.  My instant reaction was to break away from all social media and groups and focus only on myself, my husband, and my children.  For several weeks I couldn’t even post, blog, or communicate with others about this because I “care”…I have always cared what others think, feel.

I choose to be open to my emotions…feelings drive me forward and push me to be determined to overcome.  The depth of my emotions continue to teach me many lessons:  judgment is inevitable; challenges present themselves; and we will fall, but we can pick ourselves up.  As I ponder these lessons and as our family faces our challenges, we allow ourselves to feel and then let go…moving through these emotions brings a sense of peace.  Our peace fills us with strength and our love propels us forward.  And as long as we act with love in our heart, it may leave us vulnerable, but at least we are being true.

Because our family cares so much, we are given the amazing and powerful gift of love.  We love each other dearly, but this love also connects us to others.  It is with others that we can battle this incredibly beastly disease and still enjoy life.  We are so incredibly thankful to the many that have rallied around our family. 

Gaming with Troy during weekly infusioon

I will admit, the beast of JA does try to stop us…and it can feel relentless at times.  But after we move through the appointments, tests, treatments, and therapies we try to insert a little fun.  Sometimes that fun is within the walls of our own home…other times we make an outing of it. We treasure these moments with each other, family, and friends.

I am happy to report that Parker’s labs are much better and overall his strength is getting better and pain is less many days.  We are slowly decreasing some of his meds and increasing his activity level.  We are still battling pulmonary issues and we do have a few set-backs from time-to-time but overall there is improvement and we will continue to support him as he takes baby steps forward so he can begin to run circles again.  He has a goal to go back to school full time next year, as he enters the ninth grade. 

Logan went to the orthopedic doctor and he does have mild scoliosis.  We will monitor it and he is starting PT next week.  Logan has just completed 10^th grade and on Monday he will be a freshman at the community college.  He has chosen to take 2 classes this summer and will continue to be dually enrolled for the rest of high school.  This is something he really wanted to do and he is so thrilled that he went down to the campus today to check it out and find where his class will be.

You are my master,
 I love you so!
SQUIRREL

We are grateful to experience the love we have.  Love is such a gift.  It strengthens us and fuels our dreams and hopes. Love connects us.   I really do believe that together we are better! 

LOVE Pushes HOPE Higher and Higher



Waiting for Doc



For the last two and a half years we have made our 2.5 hour drive to the hospital every two weeks for treatment for Parker.  We are moving into 2013 with a much needed break from this schedule along with much hope for continued improvement.  Most of Parker’s treatment is at home now and we don’t have to go back to the hospital as frequent…we now go every 3 months.   In reflecting on this last year, a tremendous amount has happened.  With every hurtle we have continued with strength to take the leap of faith needed to get us to the place we need to be for our family.  Of course, Parker has been incredibly strong through all of this, but Logan has been just as strong, if not stronger.  As adults, Michael and I have tried to maintain day-to-day needs…but so has Logan. 



Logan



Logan's eyes get like this with the really bad migraines.



Logan has his own health issues with his relentless migraines this year.  This is a condition he has had since he was 5 years old and we have a very strong history of migraines in our family, but as Logan has entered his mid-teen years they have been more difficult to manage.   These migraines have not only impacted his health, but also his social life, education and stamina.  He continues to overcome and it is remarkable that he pushes forward while also supporting his brother and trying to create a balance in his life.  We are proud of the young man that he has become and his future has much promise and I am looking forward to the days to come.



Christmas 2012



We also want to celebrate Parker’s progress…this year pushed our hope higher and higher.  This year Parker has been on multiple biologic drugs to combat against juvenile arthritis.  I know that these drug names mean little to the general public (except maybe “Enbrel”) but bear with me as I process this…ready…he has been on actemra, then actemra with Enbrel and soon after he also began IVIG infusions (IVIG is a blood plasma to treat hypogammaglubulinemia and is not a biologic).  Then he took actemra with Enbrel and a round of remicaide, then he needed to stop all these (including IVIG) in order to proceed with the “study drug’s wash out process”.  During the wash-out of these previous biologics we had to up his steroids and begin the biologic kineret (twice a day) because he could take kineret up to 4 days prior to starting the RAPPORT study looking at the effects of the biologic rilanocept on systemic on-set juvenile arthritis.

Soon after starting the study, Parker’s health started to decline…yes, we are pretty darn certain he got the placebo and not the rilonacept.  Parker landed in the hospital in tremendous pain, swelling and pericardial effusion.  But looking back on all this, Parker has no regrets.  He knows he is playing a small role in impacting the future for children with JA.  Our family went into this last year knowing it was going to be a tough one.  We decided to put school to the side and be ok with hospital homebound while we worked on supporting Parker’s health.  We now feel like we are on the flip side…  What we have learned is that with each step forward…we are moving forward at a slow and steady pace…and although the journey may feel endless at times, we have felt tremendous forward propelling LOVE.



Surprise care package from Sloans via the infusion room nurses!



Thank you Ky for my special Parker Snowman!



This love has come from very unexpected places through very caring actions.  We know people lead busy lives with their own struggles and we are thankful for each and every person who has paused to show us love through your calls, emails, cards, text messages, and Facebook posts.  We are also incredibly appreciative for the actions people have taken…hugs, help with picking up Logan, meal prep/restaurant gift cards, doing laundry/cleaning, dropping by to say hi, leaving notes on the windshield, donations to the AF walk and High-5-Club, help to maintain work, comments on our blog, hospital visits, surprise packages, joining our walk team, helping fund raise, willingness to drive across the state to help us access an “out of stock” med, listening, encouraging, and validating our feelings.

We also want to thank the medical staff supporting Parker.  We know we are still on this journey…  Thank you for your passion in this field, your work is unbelievably difficult and we need more people like you in this world.  And I am not only referring to the doctors and nurses, but also all of the people behind the scenes who process the relentless amount of paperwork and insurance “overrides” because the insurance companies are not always open and willing to charter in untraveled territory.  Thank God that Parker was the first child in the state of Florida to get approval for the study drug once the study ended.  Multiple biologics failed him…this is the first drug that has had enough of an impact on him that we are witnessing some of the “old Parker” return.  When a devastating chronic illness impacts a family, you begin to try to create “new norms” and you work hard to find happiness in the little moments and pretend a bit that they are as wonderful, if not better than the happiness you experienced prior to the “disease” entering your life.  And in some ways they are…because they are felt with an increased intensity…emotional and physical pain does that to a person… But oh the JOY and renewed hope we feel with our “old Parker’s” return.  

Turning in wheelchair wheels for
skateboard wheels.

Logan and Parker are experiencing their brotherly passions again:  quirky fun, chitter chatter, planning events again, gaming together, and skateboarding…yes, skateboarding!  Logan spent his own money this Christmas to refurbish Parker’s board to make it safer for him.  He got him better wheels with a better center of gravity, bushings, bearing spacer, and stronger grip tape. 

Love is totally rolling this pair forward… and Michael and I love witnessing this…Here’s to continued happiness in the New Year.

Look Doc, I am working my stiff ankles!